Write damnit!!

Anyone else write nonstop but at the same time you're writing about nothing or maybe it's more along of notes? Maybe you write articles but don't finish them? What about writing out points of a story that you've been stuck on but can't seem to let it go for the last twenty or more years?

I'm currently writing nonstop articles that I don't finish or post, because obviously they are only partially done. I do this weekly. I also write notes constantly on a story that I've been working on for the last two decades and all I have for that work is a jumbled up mess, a mess only I can decipher.

Why is it so difficult to finish anything? Maybe it's ADHD, but it's just laziness, maybe it's even fear, the fear of creating something that holds a huge piece of your heart, and it turns out to be nothing special, just a waste of time. But is it a waste if you enjoyed it? There's to many questions to fathom about all of this and I seem to stray further and further into the Abyss of my writing.

Sometimes I just go over my characters in my head and they are alive and well, they have lives, potential, and I just want to write that character into existence just to kill them in the story. Any one else do this? Just making a likeable character just so you can send them to the grave, is that normal? I mean death does have its place and it will change characters around them emotionally, so it does work.

Know what it feels like right now? It feels like it's work. I don't want to feel like I'm being forced to write, because once that happens I tend to push it away, maybe it's even the fact that most of my writing is during times I should be sleeping. Maybe it's because most times at work I'm jotting notes down, most my ideas and ambition comes during the day, and it cools off as the day fades.

I just want consistency! I just want An hour or two just to write without my brain interrupting me and swaying me to do other things, like playing Madden or going on Amazon.

Have you ever had a perfect story, characters, arcs, and character development in your head, but it never plays out on paper? It's annoying.

In my head I want to get an illustrator, an editor, and someone that knows what the hell they're doing to create a universe of my own creation, where my characters come to life like never before, where my story matters to at least one person.

I think that's the problem. My brain wants to much unattainable things and my body is like "nope, not doing any of that, find another dream."

My wants for Rogue 5 Entertainment is much bigger than what it is, but going about it is tough, not to mention my mindset is up and down quickly from being lazy to being very energetic and upbeat about the potential if I put my time, money, and effort into it. Writing was only a part of this plan, YouTube videos, podcasts, streaming games, video game tournaments, vlog movie reviews, selling merchandise, doing Giveaways, as well as a ton of other stuff was in my head when we started this whole thing. I do know one thing, I have more respect now than I did before, all the people doing videos, podcasts, blogs, you don't see the amount of time and energy they put into the work they do, and usually don't see how they started it all.

Anyway, I'll  keep writing and working for the dream even though it looks bleak. Maybe It's because I'm not going a hundred percent in? That makes sense, which brings up the question have I ever gone 💯% in anything?! I think I need to go all out on things that I want or even for a time period and see where I'm at in six months.

I'm still not sure what R5E is all about either, I try to cover a range of topics, whether it's anime, movies, toys, video games, and sports, but it's like we have no true direction, kinda like this article.

Well that's enough of my rambling on this beautiful but cold Friday.

#Writing #R5E #writersblock #DreamBig #FightForTheDream #WritingWoes