This movie just recently popped in my head and I decided to rematch this weird ass classic that I never knew existed, until around the early 90s, when my Grandmother's sister who I called Aunt Sissy gave me this magical cringe worthy movie that has a small piece of My young heart.
Yes, in my younger days I believed in certain things, including being "Knightly" and those magical stories of Knights saving princesses against overwhelming odds always grabbed my attention, because that's what I wished to be, a knight, which would explain my "white knight complex", but that's a story for another time.
My Aunt Sissy would send boxes of VHS tapes for me during the summer from her home in Florida, I'm not sure why, but I was happy with new movies. Well, old movies, that she probably didn't want, which is fine. One day she sent me a movie called the Magic Sword and I threw it right in the VCR like a damn Ninja without hesitation. There was Knights, a dragon, and a beautiful princess, so fuck yes, I'm totally in to watch this 1962 classic starring people I never heard of.
The movie is about a young twenty year old prince who lost his family when he was a baby by the plague. He was taken in by an immortal witch and loved like he was her own. At some point this dude fell in love with a princess without seeing her or speaking to her in real life, he used a magic pool to watch her, which doesn't age to well since he seems like a delusional stalker. The story really starts when the princess is bathing and she is soon abducted when she gets out, which pushes George, the prince, to run to his Witch mother Sybal, who uses magic to see what he's talking about. What she sees is the kings palace and a meeting between the king and a knight who claims the kings daughter is gone.
In walks in the Evil Lodac, a wizard who has seen some shit. His whole mission is to have his dragon eat the princess in seven days because his sister was burned to death because she was a Witch. So this is a story of revenge. Or is it? So as he tells the king all this while he sits and does nothing, Sir Branton, talks some smack to Lodac. He basically tells him to fuck off and that he's not only gonna save the princess but he's gonna murder Lodac in his own house. Branton doesn't give a shit and has Goku Like confidence. Lodac says bring it on dick bag and disappears. Branton tells the king he'll go on and face the seven curses and find Lodacs castle to save the princess, the king is like "Dude, you save my daughter and you can marry her." What a dick.
Meanwhile George is pouting about like a kid who just lost his favorite toy and his mom tries to cheer him up by giving him magic weapons and shit. Like that's what he needs right now. He does his mom dirty by basically sticking her in a magic basement and then uses the magic to unlock drawings on the wall that was of former Knights, an Allstar team of Knights from around the world. Mother fuckers came to life and he's like "Let's go on an adventure!"
The story throws Sir George and his six loyal magic Allstars team of Knights with Sir Branton to save the princess. Sir George wants to marry the princess and the banter between George and Branton is kind of fun. George has magic weapons and armor, he's a walking cheat code. After their banter, the king proclaims whoever saves his daughter may have her and half his kingdom.
These Knights ain't shit
Their first test was against a giant ogre looking mother fucker. Where the hell is Sir Branton!? He's not involved in this attack by this creature and the ogre said F these Knights. Ulrich of Germany and Sir Pedro of Spain were killed by the Ogre, they did nothing. They were worse than the Knights of Ren and The Golden Company combined. They were basically jobbers to the Ogre. Sir George decided to do some magic shit and use flash like speed on his horse to get the giant dizzy before he stabbed him. But the damage was already done. The Ogre took two of George's Knights and brought his team down to four, this was the first curse and you lost two Knights! Jack ass! George isn't the best leader, despite defeating the giant. I guess that means he has courage.
Sir Branton is shady
Branton is shady as fuck, you just get this slime ball feeling over Branton and it finally comes to light during another curse. Some kind of soul sucking swamp that sucks you into the water to die. The knight of Italy Sir Anthony falls in like an idiot and George tries to save him only for Branton to show his true heel self and kick him in the water and like a true numb nuts he leaves thinking the hero is dead. Unbeknownst to Branton, George has magic shit on, so he survived. Unfortunately for Anthony, he was taken and died. That's three asshole Knights down with three to go. Elite Knights my ass!
Lodac and Branton are together! That's right kids, Branton is a douche and he found Lodacs magic ring which Lodac needs, without it he can barely muster up power. Branton's plan was to use Lodac in order to kidnap the princess, then to save her and become eventual ruler. It's a solid plan actually. I'm impressed. Sir Dennis of France stumbles upon the area these two are and in order to protect what's happening they set up a trap. A thirsty ass trap! A beautiful woman appears to flirt with Dennis who takes the bait, which is understandable since he's been stuck as a painting for God knows how long. She turns into some sort of Mutant looking women and attacks, that's four knig....not so fast my friends! George said fuck this lady and helped Dennis escape.
I feel like I'm doing play by play now and thats not what I intended, yet I'm not editing this or rewriting it, I'm to far down this dark path to turn around.
Lodac figures out Sybal used magic to help George and Sybal in all her wisdom used a spell to take George's power away, and can't think of what the spell was to give it back.
Let's just cut to the chase. Sir George basically loses all his Knights to the curses because they're idiots, Branton saves a princess that was an old hag and is betrayed by Lodac, a bunch of other princesses are fed to the Dragon, little creepy laughing people are doing weird shit, and we finally get the dragon against Sir George!
Ready play two....Sybil appears and helps George in a battle of magic. She gives George his powers back so he can defeat the dragon and send him back to hell. Meanwhile, Sybil steals Lodacs ring, so she is more powerful at this point. Lodac says fuck the ring I'm the seventh curse and I'm about to murder George and that princess Helene. Sybil said oh yeah, fuck you, I'm not using my powers to just stop you, I'm gonna turn into a God damn Panther and Maul you to death! Fuck magic, when you can turn into a wild animal and just rip your enemies to shred that's what you do.
And they lived happily ever after....
George and Helene, who is extremely cute, get married. Sybil uses her magic to reincarnate the six useless Knights so they are there at his wedding, they'll most likely get their future king killed out of incompetence, but hey, bring them back it's fine.
All in all this movie for whatever reason is a guilty pleasure of mine, I watch it from time to time and I wouldn't mind if they changed the script a bit and recreated this film into a series or movie, maybe I should write it?! Maybe I'll pay someone to write it! Either way it's a 2.0 out of 5 Slayed Dragons from me, but in my heart it'll always be higher in rating, the 2.0 is my head saying "Shut up, it's terrible."
Anyway, have you seen it? What did you think? I'm probably one of a thousand who saw this film and that's OK! I'll post the commercial filled movie down below so you can attempt watching it. There's a lot of weird fuckery going on in this film, just warning you.