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Soccer stare down


So I'm sitting at soccer practice and in the distance sitting on some soccer balls is some little three year old girl with blonde pigtails staring at me on this disgusting cold day.

Staring at me...just me. Dozens of people here and I'm the only one shes looking at. Dont tell me that this is just a little girl, I know how that movie Omen starts out. Little devil child is gonna be in every corner of my imagination now, hiding in dark corners, cabinets, and probably the refrigerator waiting to scream some deathly evil yell before she strikes me down while I cry "Why me!?".

Her gaze just screams "dont turn around", and you know what, I'm not gonna turn around. Because I've seen horror movies with kids before and I know she will be there singing some kind of nightmare on elmstreet tune that freaks me out and causes a week of no sleep.

So now, I need to wear a bullet proof full body suit to ensure I survive tonight. Unfortunately I have no weapons to face off against this Poltergeist looking girl so I dont know what the hell I'm gonna do. I'm to old to do Guile's flip kick and I dont even know if that'll work anyway.

So sitting through three year old soccer practice is like watching that scene from kindergarten cop where Arnold Schwarzenegger freaks the fuck out because they are running around most likely hopped up on cocaine. Its entertaining and I feel for the coaches. No way these kids are gonna fully listen when they just got out of the prison we call school.

But back to my satanic looking child doll that was staring at me. After careful deliberation with myself I'm now convinced shes not evil and probably just wants a cookie and since I'm plump and wearing all red, she probably thought I indeed had a cookie. Classic case of mistaken case of identity, I thought she was a demon and she thought i was Santa Clause. It happens.

All well, another day in the books and I'm ready for bed. Yeah, it's not even six PM, but I'm done with Thursdays bullshit full of work, lunatics, gremlins, and burnt chicken. Seriously, how do you burn my chicken!? How!? Ok I'm done with my psycho babble.


#Soccer #Life #DemonChild #santa

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