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NFL Top Five: Worst Uniforms

People like lists. So I present to you a list. What are we here to talk about? The top 5 ugliest NFL uniforms. Why? I don’t know. Mikie has been pushing me to write. Not about this… but I started it a while ago and it seemed like the fastest thing I could get posted to get him off my ass for maybe 48 hours. Seriously this is a cry for help. Stop reading and get help!


Credentials: I am a self-proclaimed fashion and swagger expert so the following opinion based judgements are indisputable!


On to the list…




Honorable Mention: Cincinnati Bengals

Had they not just unveiled their new 2021 Unis they would have been in the top 3 for sure. Up until 2021 there was just too much going on with all the strips and colors. We get it, you are a bunch of tigers running around on a pitch. Does LSU or Clemson need to pounce their way onto the field in orange, black, and white strips?















The more contemporary toned down look is a much needed upgrade. I do think they should ditch the black primary jerseys and stick to the orange. The all white alternate uniform is pretty fire. The helmet remaining orange while the rest of the alternate uni is white is a bit of a disaster, but I think not allowing alternate helmets is more of an NFL rule rather than a team choice. All in all, the refresh is enough to save them from appearing in the top five.




FIVE: Philadelphia Eagles




The current Philly uniform has been around for what feels like decades. Just looking at them make me feel like I just took a double shot of Nyquil. The color… the general boringness… they just put me to sleep. I also think it is time to move away from the lame helmet wings. Is it supposed to be a decapitated Eagle? Either ditch them all together or at least give them a much needed upgrade. The Oregon Ducks can make awesome looking helmet wings so there is no excuse for those crimes on their crown. I am not saying they need to emulate the Ducks over the top mirror chrome and colors but it should be fairly simple to step it up.

In my opinion the Eagles are one of a few teams who look much better when they throw on the throwbacks. The brighter green with the white... ditching the black accents. Even the sharper silver in the wings is acceptable… it’s a much better look all around.














FOUR: Houston Texans



The Texans have much bigger things to worry about before addressing their garb. How did they let terrorist Bill O’Brien infiltrate the organization? Is Deshawn Watson at another massage parlor? Somewhere on the list needs to be a uniform rebranding. The color scheme is not the problem. The Navy and Red is a nice combo and not too overplayed the NFL. The design is subpar, fairly generic, but at least passible. However, you can put the logo up there with the dumbest in sports. If they redesigned whatever that thing is and spruced up the uniform design a bit it would be vastly improved. I’d also limit the white and try to keep it mostly the Navy and Red while making a conscious effort to not just completely copy the New England Patriots current attire.




THREE: Seattle Seahawks



The Seahawks uniform was the first big redesign upon the return of Nike to the NFL. Seattle’s current uniforms are unquestionably an upgrade over their previous iteration. It is a little busy for my taste. I could live without the carbon fiber-ish wing accent patterns on the helmet and pants. However they are far from the worst in the league.

Even the greyed out "Grey Wolf" look is ok and I give them credit for doing something unique.



With all that said, why are they here on this list? The all lime green radioactive alternate atrocity should be banned immediately. It is not ok to do that to people’s eyes. Peppering in the blinding lime green is fine. It gives them some pop and sizzle. It is not appropriate as a primary color. Do better Seattle. The fact that we are only subjected to this torture once or twice a year saves them from being number two on this list.







TWO: Carolina Panthers



Relatively unchanged since the franchises inaugural season in the NFL way back in 1995 if we aren't counting the switch back and forth from black and blue primary colors. Well not only is it is time for a change, it HAS been time for a change. While some NFL uniforms are classics, staples of sports, that can go unchanged for 50 years and still be just as relevant by today’s standards, The Panthers uniform is NOT one of them. The design has been dated for well over a decade. The thick collar and strips around the shoulders look terrible. By now you might have sensed a theme that I have distain for the thick collars as most of the teams on this list are guilty of it. You can tell this was designed in the 90s. The cartoon panther on the helmet would benefit from an uplift. Maybe something a little more intimidating. It is also just way too busy. Too many colors. Black, Blue, Silver, White… can we all agree that the maximum number of colors in a uniform should be limited to three? Overall the uniform and logo look like something a high school team would pick out of a stock catalog. Not fit for a professional football team.


Not even Caaaam could make them look cool. On the subject of Cam, lets take a moment to appreciate he is replacing his replacements replacement as the Panthers starting QB. Let's not appreciate that he'll doing wearing this awful uniform.









ONE: Denver Broncos



Barf... and well deserving the number one spot on this list. This disaster was unveiled in 1997. Considered edgy at the time, it is now terribly dated and the grossest uniform in the NFL… Maybe even professional sports. The one good thing to come out of it? The nickname “The Donkeys” thanks to its sub-par horse logo.


Whether the primary color is the navy or the orange it doesn’t matter, they are equally terrible. Time to ditch the thick collar and the oversized side jersey stripes that connect to the oversized pants stripes.







What I recommend for the Donkeys. Ditch the navy blue, and bring back the brighter more vibrant royal blue. Yes I'm talking an old school Bronco color combo closely resembling that of the New York Knicks. Yes this is the second time I am pointing to the throwback as a solution to the wardrobe malfunctions plaguing the league but throwbacks are in and Nike makes some tight threads to help modernize these classics. The below photo is a fan made shot but just look how much more clean this is! The only thing that would make this better is an updated helmet logo.




There you have it! My top five dumpster NFL uniforms! What do you think of this list? Any glaring omissions? Any outrage to what I have listed? Sign up or log in and share your thoughts in the comments below!


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