(The main picture is potentially from the new secret upcoming Hasbro GI JOE series!)
Yes, the moment all of you have been waiting for, a blog about toys I liked and Why! Yup and you know what? You're gonna sit there and like it! Well technically I can't force you to do anything and most likely I'll be the only one reading it, so maybe you're off the hook.
So what GI Joes were my favorites? Which ten soldiers helped me live my childhood in utter amazingness? What Joes helped me against countless battles and potentially against my friends in a Joe War? Lets find out!
Look at this dude! He's stacked and ready to fuck shit up! Outback was my go to guy heading into the jungles, usually by himself, but if I'm not mistaken I believe I teamed him up with Pathfinder and Falcon in a three man team in multiple sessions of play with the simple mission of finding Cobras lair, infiltrating the base, and then causing havoc inside. Sure that doesn't seem like it should of worked, but I'm telling you now, Cobra was always surprised and confused by that three man team.
9 Low Light
Number nine was tough for me, I wasn't totally sure who to put here, but then it clicked. A game against a friend in an epic battle of determination and grit, one man stood tall, a hero, a man who held my opponent down and perfectly sniped seven opposing Joes. Low-Light. Yes, this hero who died that day picked off multiple people for me while playing when I was a kid and I'll never forget his sacrifice , not on my watch! I wasn't the biggest fan, but that day came understanding. Understanding that I may not like you, but that doesn't mean I don't fucking respect you.
8 Fire Fly
I wish I was as cool as Fire Fly. Why are the bad guys so damn Rad? Fire Fly was my go to guy to get bad shit done. Assassination? He's the man who would blow up a building to kill a guy in the bathroom. I didn't always agree with his methods, but he did the job. Kidnapping? Hell yes. On rare occasions I had him do some side jobs to take hostages that may or may not have ended with their deaths....Not my fault. I can't control this guy! But hes still awesome.
7 Snake Eyes
Snake Eyes....God damn Ninjas are just too cool not to like and Snake Eyes is no different, although he probably ranks higher on others lists of toys, I remember having both the black costumed toy and the blue and black which was my favorite. Thats not to say that I didn't have my fair share of ninja wars against his rival Storm Shadow or those two ninja pain in the asses, Slice and Dice. The Ninja wars were brutal and I don't remember a time that Snake Eyes ever lost a one on one match. I do remember that Slice and Dice almost beat him, but a changed Storm Shadow stepped in and changed the outcome.
Whats not to like about the dude who could probably track and hunt a Predator? Hes friends with a damn Eagle! He reminds me of Billy from Predator too, I don't know why. Anyway, Spirit was my go to guy for finding people and taking down Cobra henchmen, although he didn't have any glorified stories that I can remember, I do remember vividly that he was never killed in any of the games I played. He's a survivor and one day, I'll play with him again and give him his moment in the sun. Although I do think I used him as a foot soldier in a Ninja Turtle game where Leonardo slit his chest and kicked him out a window.
5 Wet Suit
Navy Seals!!!!! I used to love the Navy Seals and watch and read anything about them that I could find, so Wet-Suit was one of my key players, a top dog in what ever game I played. He was often used like Hawkins in the movie Navy Seals, I guess I kind of took his character and merged that personality within the Joe. I do remember he fell in battle though, the last time I can remember playing with him, I was in my room, on the bed was a makeshift command center where Wet Suits team along with Dial tone, Chuckles, and I believe Roadblock all went into a Cobra fortress to save one of their own and they all perished by the betrayal of Scoop....way to go Scoop, you traitor!
Jinx was awesome! I used to love her. I mean, not like I wanted to marry her or anything you sickos, she was just a toy! Any way, she was a bad ass that took no shit from any opponent. I often had her battles within the ninja community and used her on infiltration missions with her boy toy Falcon. But one day she succumbed to her injuries and died much to my dismay, one of my favorite toys, dead in my hands....Well, technically she died because I brought her to school, left her in my pocket, forgot about her, and come to find later in the day she broke. Not knowing as a kid that I can easily fix her, I did what any true American would do....I buried her.
3 Storm Shadow
How is Storm Shadow not the coolest bad asses of all time? Its close. A guy who dresses in all white while trying to murder people with two swords, who leads his own clan of ninja, who joined both GI Joe and Cobra, who even as a bad guy had some honor, that is straight up legit bad assery.
I remember countless moments of the rivalry that I started with he and Snake Eyes, to battle to see who was the best, and it always was close. Storm Shadow turned on Cobra and joined the Joes and at that point he was unbeatable in single combat for me. Undeniably the best of the ninjas is Storm Shadow.
2 Alley Viper
Alley Viper is the coolest Joe of all time in my eyes. Heavily armed and armored, an amazing mask that pops down, weapons that make you drool, and bright orange camo that says, "Fuck you, I don't care." God this one was awesome. He was the star of all the fire fights, the one that captured my heart on day one. He cut down Joes, Cobra's, He-Man figures, and Thundercats, he just didn't give a fuck what universe he played in as long as he took out as many toys souls as possible, and I respect that.
Falcon is my favorite Joe of all time. Why you ask? Simply put, I don't know. Maybe it was the 80s Joe movie that came out that saw this new character thrown into the frontlines of a giant climatic battle for life on Earth, a man who constantly made mistakes and had his own demons that he needed to defeat, a guy who trained with SGT Slaughter and earned his respect after a disappointing showing at Joe headquarters, what ever it was, it just stuck with me, and it did so with using his toy as well. In fact I've been trying to find a late 80s Falcon figure for months now to end my suffering of now having him by my side. One day this superstar will have a place on my shelf once again and his suffering will end. Plus it was fun using him in his three man squad, although he did team up with Slaughter a few times in special missions, that was fun.
I don't honestly know how I remember some of this stuff, especially the stories of playing with these characters, but I do weirdly. I can't tell you what I ate yesterday, but I can tell you a made up game with toy figures that I had almost thirty years ag.....holy fuck I'm old. What am I doing here talking about toys and games I used to have!? (insert midlife crisis here)
Bottom line as a kid of the 80s and 90s, these toys were more than just toys, they were a part of my life growing up and I loved every moment of it. I wouldn't trade those times for anything. Well, almost anything.