My toddler is Terrorizing Me!
Yes, my year and a half sweet boy has been terrorizing me of late. At some point within the last few months he's turned into a living Chucky doll, hell bent on destroying me.
The notice of these blatant attacks came here and there, but now he's in full blown heavy offensive mode.
While giving him a bath and trying to maintain order, I tried to make him laugh, and like most caged aggressive animals you can't get to close or they'll bite, well, he pulled a three stooges and poked me in the eyes. Yes, he spread his fingers apart and got both eyes like a God damn sniper with pinpoint accuracy, I was blinded for a mere 30 seconds while this small human laughed like some kind of deranged devil.
What followed was a move I like to call "The betrayal". While playing this small child who looks so innocent decided to spin around and hop in a cute display of playfulness and that was just a distraction, because on the third spin he punched me in the crotch, sending me over in everlasting pain.
I wish it stopped there...but no. While trying to change him, we played, and we often go over our body parts. "Where's your hands, head, eyes, ears", so he pointed to his ears and said, "Eyes?" I said no, pointed at my eyes, and he struck, he yelled eyes and poked another eye! Why is he attacking me!?
Then this morning while changing him he struck again, I've been lucky with all my kids of not really being peed on, and I think he knew so he took it upon himself to change that, drenching my shorts as I stood in shock.
I love this kid so much, I wouldn't trade him back to Walmart for anything, but damn this kid is a handful.
Do you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way, I love him, he's mine, and I'm grateful for the stories I have because of his assassination attempts on my life.